Thursday, January 20, 2011

Misery enjoys company

I am not my best self, right now. I am sad, cross, overwhelmed, and mostly sad. I truly have a wonderful life, and I rarely lose sight of that, but the day in day out of my days at the moment is utterly overwhelming. I am chronically sleep-deprived, over-scheduled, and over needed.

Poor little Raf is cutting another molar, I think, so nights are even longer than usual. But it means that I am not getting up as early as usual so I'm missing the time when I'd usually get some training in. This morning, as I walked downstairs just after 6am, I knew I'd missed my chance, I knew that Rich had to leave for work early and looking ahead to the day I can see my day swallowed up by work, references to write, Raf (time I absolutely cherish), and chores. Rich is in college this evening and I honestly could just cry. Well, I actually did just cry.

This week has been pretty bloomin' shocking. We lost heat and hot water on Tuesday, spent a lot of money getting it fixed, I dropped my cell in the slush yesterday and it's no longer working, I have yet to do one single day of training as planned, I can;t remember a night when I had more than 2 hours of consecutive sleep, and on top of it all I am so homesick that every reference to England brings me to the verge of tears.

I just need a reset day. A good night's sleep, a leisurely run followed by snuggles with Raf, followed by a leisurely bike ride outside in warm weather (don't get me started on the weather), followed by more fun wit Raf, and so on. Instead I am up most of the night, stumble downstairs feeling somewhat resentful (not toward Raf) that I have missed my training times, cry, and then begin my work day.

You know, I'd actually just settle for a good workout, a run or a row or a bike ride or even a swim when I didn't feel thoroughly exhausted before even beginning.

But with breakfasts and lunches made, 2 loads of laundry complete, work emails already responded to while nursing Raf for the trillionth time this morning, I'm about to head off to work.


  1. I have no great words of encouragement or solution's to your problems, and I dont except that you want them anyway.But I will say I am but of one that is listing and thinking of you and wishing you the best. Your problems resonate with my wife and I and we and you know that these are problems that we all face each day and together will get through.

  2. ((hugs)) Sorry to hear it Alex. I understand that feeling of resentment and it is OK to want to have time for you. I think the lack of sleep is certainly NOT helping.
    Make sleep your priority for the time being--training will be there when you are rested.

  3. Ohh Alex! What a week! Catching up on sleep will put everything else in a better light.... The weekend is near!

  4. hey you guys, thanks so much for your sweet and supportive comments. It's been a doozie of a week, and with virtually no sleep last night (those darn molars) I was feeling super low this morning. I have to say that it was one of those self-perpetuating funks where my attitude stinks, I can see that it stinks, and I can do virtually nothing to change it. It's awful because I actually can see how I;m making myself miserable but then add to the cycle of misery!

    Anyway, by lunch time today - because of a snow storm - I decided to take some action and hopped on the bike and did a workout. It wasn't a great workout but it did help me feel less miserable :)