Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Sick Day

I'm still sick, I haven't worked out in a few days, I'm chomping at the bit and a bit crazed because of it, of course. Somehow, though, I am managing to keep myself on the right side of sanity. Just.

I took the day off work today, though I did a lot of work from home with Raf watching much too much Peppa Pig. I justified his viewing because he can now say 'George' (one of the characters in the cartoon) and points to the ducks and says something not really approximating 'quack quack'. Oh, and he loves to dance when peppa dances, bounce when they all jump in muddy puddles, and does a lot of pointing. All of this allows me to believe that watching TV is a good learning opportunity for him.

But mostly I've sat on the couch, tapping on my laptop in between playing with Raf. I washed nappies, made Raf lunch, made tea and let Raf watch Peppa while he ate it (I know, I know but I was too nauseous to eat dinner and Rich was out). I walked the dogs, felt weak and uncomfortable. Indeed even my mouth hurts. All my teeth. I don't know what that means and what;'s going on but it's kind of miserable. And I even managed to get some assessment stuff done, too... as well as sort of appease a difficult someone (need to be vague here).

OH, I also spoke to several banks about mortgages, which honestly makes me super anxious for reasons I can't quite pinpoint. I always feel like a deeply immoral person when it comes to money, and lots of guilt for some reason. We're not even big spenders, either, but there is something in this culture - or at least how I've been socialized into it - which makes me tremble as I think about my credit score (and FWIW I am too scared to look at it.. for no good reason!),

I also had some time today to think about what our plans are for the year. We're moving - all being well - and that's actually a great relief for us all. I'd also decided to do the Pumpkinman 70.3 in September. With the summers off, just research, I'd have time to get in the needed long rides - leaving at 5, returning at 9, spending the day with Raf and working for parts of the day. But you know what is even more important to me, right now, is having another child. Not that we're trying, but it's becoming apparent that another child is really what I want.

I spend so much of my day thinking about how much I love Raf. I walk around saying how much I love him, When I go to bed in a little while, I'll lie there with him and Rich (who's upstairs now putting him to bed), and I'll inevitably exclaim "oh, you're such a great little boy. You're so good. I love you so much".. and on and on, even though he's asleep. When I'm with Raf I spend much of my time close to tears thinking about how lovely he is, thinking about his little legs that bend when he dances, about his little head that shakes from side to side as he listens to his favourite music.

I am so lucky to have him. And I know i turn into a cliche when I write about him, about how there is nothing quite like the connection between a mother and her child, and, mercy, I am an embarrassing cliche, but I suppose this is who I now am. I didn't grow up in the most demonstrative house, and neither did Rich, and yet I simply cannot help myself!

1 comment:

  1. so sorry to hear you're so sick! i know a lot of people wickedly sick right now. sounds just terrible.

    today i started to cry looking at my baby. and he's not even dancing yet (how dear), just flailing. it's the most exquisite thing ever. even when it's hard.

    love to you