I took an impromptu day off today. I had a long department retreat, which went very well (considering I was leading the retreat) but I am tired and the weather is just miserable. Just miserable, miserable, miserable. I don't think it is helping things.
I'm in a state of ambivalence.
Term has ended, reports need to be written, the summer is ahead of us, the weather is awful, my bike is brilliant, my swimming sucks, raf is wonderful, our nanny quit, a dear friend is pregnant, a little unknown boy was found dead.
I suppose this is life, with all its seeming untenable paradoxes of good and bad, of hope and hopelessness.
I am likely not alone in having to work at staying on top of this ambivalence, and training is one way I do this. It keeps me in motion when I might otherwise be paralyzed, it provides me with some space and time where I get lost in the physical aspect of it all, and yet today I skipped my bike ride (it was raining and I could not cope with the trainer in May) and I find when I do this that I lose traction straight away, I turn inward and irritable.
Why did I miss that ride, I'm asking myself.
Alas, I did. but one thing that I wanted to blog about is my terrible, terrible eating habits. I have been living on cliff bars and fruit and sandwiches. I can't remember the last time I had three square meals a day. My Dr. thinks that my body might be run down - thus the nausea and sickness. My Vit D was very, very low, my cholesterol was very low, too, which of course isn't necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, but it might suggest that my nutritional needs are not being met.
So I;m going to make an effort to really get serious about nutrition, of making the time to eat real food, of thinking carefully about what I need to support my training. I'm also nursing still, and I think that this inevitably places more demands on my body. So I am going to get serious, seriously. I may even post some plans here in an attempt to keep me on track.